First off-- thanks for the followers and the advice from the Breeder, whose blog manages to tackle carnal matters with a degree of finesse and candor that is rare. I have followers now! How strange.
Yesterday I woke Matt up with a morning pump-and-dump. The whole thing lasted less than ten minutes, but it was very hot and we both seemed satisfied. He curled up and went back to sleep with a sore butt, and I got up and started my day.
The problem with these things is that I imagine them differently in my fantasy world. Mainly, I want to roll him over and just fuck him... rather than rolling him over, finding a condom, sticky fingered unwrapping, applying tons of lube, and then slowly pushing in. When it's raw, it's much easier, quicker to get in, and more natural. This feels like a halting exercise of stop and start, even though I know that I'm emphasizing the negatives.
So Matt goes back to sleep, and I'm out on the sofa, and within 20 minutes I'm looking at porn... these days I've been very much into uncut twinks (go figure). I check tumblr and watch videos of these young guys getting absolutely railed by a whole assortment of men (mostly older) and am totally turned on. Maybe this is me fantasizing about what I can do to the twinks when I'm in my 40s... who knows.
I just feel that I shouldn't be looking at porn-- not because I believe it's bad or immoral, but because I've got a real life guy who is (this isn't bragging, it's an honest assessment) hotter than 99.9% of the guys in porn, and who is basically begging for my cock at all hours of the day. Shouldn't I go for the real thing and stick to the faximile when real isn't available? I know a healthy fantasy life is important, I just wish I could integrate him into it.
Anyway, just today's thoughts. Matt's out of the shower, so I'm going to go eat some ass right now.
The Breeder is absolutely amazing. I am inspired by him in many, many ways.
ReplyDeleteYour question about enjoying porn vs enjoying the real, living man in the next room is not an unusual quandary. It certainly doesn't seem like you're neglecting Matt in favor of wanking to smut. Sexual pleasure with another person or persons and sexual pleasure by yourself with porn are simply *different*, and one can have desire for both types of experience.
For myself, I've never been in a relationship during which I wasn't also masturbating by myself, with porn or with my memories for erotic fodder. Some of my partners did feel like my masturbation was a criticism of them, but it wasn't in the slightest.
Do you and Matt share porn together, and in that way perhaps integrate him into that segment of your sexual life?
Looking at porn in my mind has little to nothing to do with the sexual intimacy you have with your partner. I can get just as turned on by reading or seeing a film (not porn) maybe not as quickly and not as graphically but turned on all the same. You like to be turned on. That is awesome. it isn't a negative reflection on the guy you are crazy about.Desire isn't defined in neatly constructed roles. It is all over the map. And that is a good thing. So lust when you want and shoot when you need to.It is all good.
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