Temptation

The image above has no bearing on the post, other than it shows the kind of scene I'm fantasizing about most these days.  And it's crazy hot.

Last night was date night.  Matt and I went to see The King's Speech, which was phenomenal.  I can't recommend it enough -- even though they take plenty of historical liberties, Geoffrey Rush and Colin Firth were spectacular.  I didn't  even want to stab Helena Bonham Carter in the eye, which is my normal reaction to her "acting."

So anyway, date night was great.  We went to the movie, got some pizza, came home and watched more of a documentary series we're currently enjoying, and then moved to the bedroom.  Sex with Matt always ranks a A-/A, but last night it was A+.  We fucked, and fucked, and when I didn't think either of us had the strength, we fucked some more.  He ended up with three of my loads-- two in the condom, one across the face.  He was ecstatic.  I was satisfied.

I've got the day off today, but he doesn't.  So now I'm sitting at home, and despite having been nearly drained of all the semen in my body less than 7 hours ago, I'm online cruising.

I should say that I'm not actually cruising.  I've done something that when confessed to probably makes me sound like an online troll that we all know and hate.  About a week ago, I created a profile on one of the popular gay fuck sites, and laid it out -- I'm an HIV+ man who wants a piece on the side to fuck bareback.  I want a young, smooth, clean cut, submissive boy to make my fuckpuppet.

Now, owing to being far away from actually cheating, I've set the profile in a different city, and I'm not responding to anyone.  But the number of boys writing into me is intoxicating.  I see unlocked pictures of beautiful, pink cunts, and knowing that with a click of the mouse I could have them... well, it is proving to be some kind of heroin for me.  I check the site all the time.  Each and every time, there's at least ten messages from boys eager to milk my cum.  Of those, 2-3 are totally fuckable.

I have complex feelings about this:  on one hand, as it currently exists, this is just a form of mental masturbation for me.  On the other, I'm getting these guys to expose themselves (physically and psychologically, I suppose) on the pretext of getting fucked.  The prospect of getting fucked is a powerful intoxicant, so part of me feels like I'm spiking their drinks.

Also, there's an element of cheating to this not-technically-cheating behavior: if Matt were to find out, he'd be royally pissed.  I would too if the roles were reversed.  Porn is one thing, but this is two steps from dipping my dick in someone else.

So, maybe I stop.  I don't know.  But for now, I'm going to check out what's awaiting me online.

Jealousy

In the almost two weeks since my last post, I've been quite busy. Matt and I went on a side trip to the countryside, wrapped up our time in Rome, and came back home. We're both knee deep back at work, and we've had a friend visit from out of town. 

Sex has been good, and frequent. Fights have been few. He even did something "special" for me this week-- he gave himself a neck to crack shaving. Matt's a very hairy guy, which I dig, but on the rare occasions when he shaves, it's easier to see how ripped he is, sending my sex drive through the roof whenever he walks by without his shirt on.

Honestly, I'm jealous of how in shape he is. We were both athletes in school, but he progressed farther than I did, and managed to keep it up. I work out, but have passed the point where I can hope for anything other than firm and well proportioned. No more six pack in my future, barring a tapeworm. 

My visiting friend gave me something else to feel jealous about. He's about my age, with similar sexual tastes. He's negative, and a total stud. One of the great thrills of being an old married couple (!) is having slutty friends over to regale you with the stories of their sex lives, and on this trip, my friend did not disappoint.

He has the kind of sex life I wish I could have, but probably never will again, even if I was single. One, he's hotter than I am. Two, the negative thing opens up a much larger crowd. He's forever sending over pics from Manhunt or wherever of the hot 22 year old he's just bred.

He's one of my oldest friends, and we don't get to see each other in person very much, but having him around, I started to resent him. I want to be able to fuck with the kind of abandon that he does, but I don't think I ever will. There's really no larger point here, but it's just something that's been on my mind for the last few days since he left. 

In the meantime, I'll just beat off to the pics he sends of his conquests. Not the worst outcome. 

Porn, and thanks.

First off-- thanks for the followers and the advice from the Breeder, whose blog manages to tackle carnal matters with a degree of finesse and candor that is rare. I have followers now! How strange.

Yesterday I woke Matt up with a morning pump-and-dump. The whole thing lasted less than ten minutes, but it was very hot and we both seemed satisfied. He curled up and went back to sleep with a sore butt, and I got up and started my day.

The problem with these things is that I imagine them differently in my fantasy world. Mainly, I want to roll him over and just fuck him... rather than rolling him over, finding a condom, sticky fingered unwrapping, applying tons of lube, and then slowly pushing in. When it's raw, it's much easier, quicker to get in, and more natural. This feels like a halting exercise of stop and start, even though I know that I'm emphasizing the negatives.

So Matt goes back to sleep, and I'm out on the sofa, and within 20 minutes I'm looking at porn... these days I've been very much into uncut twinks (go figure). I check tumblr and watch videos of these young guys getting absolutely railed by a whole assortment of men (mostly older) and am totally turned on.  Maybe this is me fantasizing about what I can do to the twinks when I'm in my 40s... who knows.

I just feel that I shouldn't be looking at porn-- not because I believe it's bad or immoral, but because I've got a real life guy who is (this isn't bragging, it's an honest assessment) hotter than 99.9% of the guys in porn, and who is basically begging for my cock at all hours of the day. Shouldn't I go for the real thing and stick to the faximile when real isn't available? I know a healthy fantasy life is important, I just wish I could integrate him into it.

Anyway, just today's thoughts. Matt's out of the shower, so I'm going to go eat some ass right now.